Celebrating Lily's 6th Birthday

 To celebrate Lily's 6th birthday, we went into town to the cemetery where Mike's grandma is buried.  We looked for graves of babies and kids who had died.  Often cemeteries will have a "babyland" area where the little ones are buried side by side, but this one didn't.  Each of the kids had a bouquet of carnations so they could put a flower on each of the baby graves we found.

We also looked for Mike grandma's stone.  He could picture it in his head.  You know, it's right by that one tree... Sound familiar Dad?  After a quick phone call, we found our way.  Thankfully it's a pretty small place. The kids were excited to see great grandpa's wife's (and his) stone.  They know him and his name comes up often, as he is the oldest person they know.

At the back of all the pregnancy books there is a chapter on grieving.  Unless you've lost a child, you probably quit reading before you got there.  Between the ultrasound where Lily had no heartbeat and being induced at the hospital the next morning, I read the grief chapters in all of my pregnancy books.  For me, the best part of those chapters, was being encouraged to hold your baby.  I was afraid of holding a dead baby and was afraid of seeing any problems she might have.  Those fears sound ridiculous to me now, but at the time they were real.

Holding our sweet little bundle was the best thing we could have done.  Just as the books said, reality was much better than what we had feared.  She was perfect.  We unwrapped the tiny swaddled bundle and counted all her fingers and toes.  So tiny, yet perfect and beautiful.  We loved the hours we spent with her.  I'm so glad we had that time together.

The grief chapters also helped us to make what has turned out to be probably the most critical decision in how we faced this trial and others that have since come.  The books explain that it is normal to feel many different emotions, including anger toward God.  When we read that, we decided that we did not want to become angry or bitter at Heavenly Father.  We knew we would need his help every step of the way and did not want to distance ourselves from him.  I believe this decision was key to our healing.

We attended a support group for couples who had lost babies and saw a stark contrast between those who were angry at God and those who relied on God.  Our hearts broke for others whose anger and bitterness were destroying them and their relationships.  Some, lost not only babies, but their marriages and relationships with other family members.


We felt blessed to have made a conscious decision to rely on God and trust in his plan for us.  Turning toward God instead of away from him, fortified our faith, healed our hearts and strengthened our relationship.  We are better people for having gone through a very hard thing.  I am reminded of what Ezra Taft Benson said:

“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace."